Wanted ….receding hair and an expanding wallet

At Junction 28 going clockwise on the 25 is a large billboard advertisement in a field for Sugardady.com which unsurprisingly turns out to be is a niche dating website, I think, aimed at a particular type of girl interested in a particular type of fella. I’ve not seen this poster anywhere else so I’m guessing the website owners have been conducting a bit of research and have established that there is a market for such a product amongst Essex floosies.

But is this what women really want? But hey …… I am a daddy and I’m sure I’ve been described as sweet …… well maybe more “sweet & sour” or is that more sour than sweet – either way I don’t think this is sufficient for me to qualify as a sugar daddy. Maybe I just need a bit more gold jewellery, a little less hair, a permanent tan and a big fat wallet……….. mmmmmm….. all that may take a while though the ”little less hair” is definitely a work in progress.

So what’s the alternative for a regular daddy type looking out for a new honey. These chaps (maybe they’re girls) at sugardaddy.com might be on to something and maybe there could be other niche “man types” that the ladies of the M25 are on the look out for. And being the sweet, but not yet bald, giving guy that I am here are a few ideas for niche man dating websites that maybe someone might like to pick up and run with. And who knows, anyone of these ideas could prove to be your entry ticket to sugardaddy.com

Geekybutfreaky.com
For women who like their man to be close by. But not too close by ……..just someone who’s going to look out for them at a distance (through binoculars) and follow them home at night

BlindbutKind.com
If you need a man who’s never gonna criticize the way you look.

Grubbyhubby.com
This is the website for girls who want to date married men who pretend not to be married.

Abitrubbisharoundthehouse.com
Ideal for all women who know how to extract the joy out of the important everyday tasks of cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, decorating and gardening

 

Beerbellywhatsontelly.com
For ladies who love time alone in the kitchen preparing tasty snacks for there man to munch whilst watching match of day

Let me know if anyone makes money from these winners………… or maybe you could suggest a few others.

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Think Bike……..Think Biker

Being from Essex the word bike conjures up a number of different images which has led me to give some thought to the latest piece of wisdom being peddled by the Highways Agency on their all invasive matrix signs. “Think Bike ……Think Biker”.  So what’s the message? “keep thinking about motorbikes and motorbike riders because you might forget to look for them when pulling out into the fast lane” ….. mmmmm…..a bit patronizing I think. Good advice though if I’d never driven on the road before.

So if that’s not the message behind “Think Bike ….Think Biker” what is it …. I’m picturing a sad lonely Highways Agency employee (Bob the matrix man). His job is to tap in the messages that are then displayed on the matrix signs. But life’s not good for Bob at the moment ….. after 25years of marriage to Beryl, who happens to be a leather clad middle aged biker, she has just announced to him that she’s been having an affair for the past 5 years with his workmate Mike. Feeling wronged and harbouring vengeful thoughts he turns to his matrix machine and gives life to the message. “Think Bike …..Think Biker”. Concise, but not particularly clear especially outside of essex… maybe he could have been a little more direct. What about  “Think Bike…Think Beryl” or a bit more cutting “My Old Bike …. Think Mike”

I’m a big fan of brevity but being too concise can lead to confusion or worse still misunderstanding. Marketeers love to come up with snappy taglines and one liners but take care, it’s more important in business that your messages are clear and easily understood. Remember not everyone has got the time or sharpness of mind that I have to decipher Bobs cryptic matrix message.

Broken promises….. all-day breakfasts

There something reassuring about a signpost on the motorway. They look authoritative and provide you with essential information for your journey and there’s always a presumption of fact when you read them.  Not always the reality though. One example comes up just before Clacket Lane services which announces that the operator of the next service station is Welcome Break. Sounds just what we all need.

But what’s your experience of a Welcome Break service station – the name is a bit misleading. My own experience always begins with a car park with road markings that make it impossible to park close to the building and once parked there is no covered walkway to protect you from the English spring, summer, autumn and winter weather. Then as you approach the building you are met by a scruffy little man from the RAC or AA flogging roadside assistance – their’s must be a story of untold personal tragedy. Once past him you’re met by the 2 girls flogging you a credit card, the promise of a free fluffy toy, doesn’t really cut the mustard…….. all the guys are much clearer about what might just seal the deal. I get why the RAC are located at the service stop but who’s looking for an extra line of credit when they get to a Clacket Lane, Watford Gap or Scratchwood Services  …… ahh, that becomes a bit clearer when your “welcomed” by the till operator who presents you with the bill for your all day breakfast.

So what was the name of this place …… oh yeah Welcome Break.

I can see how the marketing team came up with the name but it’s really more of an aspiration than a reality. If your brand name is based around a promise it had better live up to it or it’ll become a laughing stock with nowhere else to go – though I do think it would be a great name for a day nursery. It’s important to think about where you want to go with your company or brand before you christen it with a name.

So what’s left for Welcome Break.

Welcome Break

They could move into the prison sector, a good fit I think and it would be popular with the people. “You are sentenced to 10 years at maximum security Welcome Break” …… we all know that’s no soft option just ask the man from the RAC.

Don’t get caught on the “hard-shoulder”

A question I often ask myself during my daily excursion along the m25, especially when stuck in traffic, is “what lane is my career travelling in”.

  1. Inside lane – am I just drifting along at slowish pace being constantly overtaken but not really caring.
  2. Middle lane –  I think I’m getting somewhere but actually 10 miles up the road I’m no further ahead than the old fart on the inside lane the only difference being I’ve been stressing about my journey.
  3. Fast lane – a fast burst of pace shortly followed by foot to the floor – shit I’ve left it a little late – breaking. And at the end of the journey a feeling of being put to the proverbial pork sword (totally shagged).

All 3  sound a bit rubbish, maybe a little depressing. The reality for me, in common with most people, is that my career drifts between all 3.

So what’s the alternative – you could try the hard shoulder that’s always empty. We all know people who operate on the hard shoulder doing whatever it takes to get ahead.  You’re sitting there stuck in a jam being held up by some problem you can do nothing about  when you see the hard-shoulder twat taking this  shortcut at the expense of others. You desperately want them to be caught out but there’s not a traffic cop or HR guy in sight and then you spot him further up the road cutting in front of some poor bugger who did the right thing and took the long route – he got away with it and you & your fellow colleagues are left sitting there in your career cars feeling as though someone has just taken a big crap on your passenger seat and to make matters worse it’s all over your mp3 player.

So what’s the message here. You can plod along just waiting for the traffic to clear but you’ll soon find yourself in the same position some time soon. So why not swap your car for a motorbike, you can travel up the inside and outside everyday as fast as you like whatever the traffic situation….. people even move over for you and there’s no passenger seat on a motorbike for that hard-shoulder twat to crap on.

The marketing moral is the same, whether you’re marketing yourself or a new product or service. When something’s not working, try a different vehicle. Alternatively  you could be the hard-shoulder guy…… in the short-term you might gain some ground, but you’ll soon be displaying the contents of your backside spread across all 3 lanes as you’re taken out by your lorry driving boss who objects to you overtaking on the inside.

David Sadler-Smith